you always told me if you went before me you would haunt me forever that you would always be with me when i needed you to chase away the ghosts so i could walk in the dark and not be afraid but sug cant you see while i still need you there are others who need you more need to know that you are not holding any grudges any wrong that may have been caused towards me has been righted by the people who matter most to you please sug they need to see you the way i do the happy and outgoing and loving amazing person you still are just please dont show up in aunt 'nes favorite outfit lol you know what im talking bout lol clear the skies and bring the sun back into the lives of everyone who need it most they love you and didnt mean any harm towards me let them know your there even when they cant feel you play with the radio annoy them and play pranks like you do on me anything just dont hide in the dark from them i love you suger pie (maybe you could tell them what you told me)
happy Son ? / Ron P. (Dad) i hope so , i did what i told you i was trying to do . your first and only love is here now . i hope this eases any tension you hold for me , son i love you so much and i will do anything in this world for you , please now son come to me , i set things right . it's raining once again here in my living room as it does daily . son please ,,, i have to go ............dad
i saw you again / Cayce Kennedy-Brabson it wasnt long ago i was stayin in the hospital with Bella and Jack was deployed and you came to me and told me shes going to be fine you took care of her sug and i will forever be grateful to you for watching over her i know my grandmother was there too i often find bella staring off into space and seemingly nothing but the giggle and i wonder if you and grandma are here with her i feel you sometimes like when the radio goes crazy ya know with the volume the way you used to do while i was driving i only hope that enough time has passed that your family has forgiven me for they feel i did to wrong them and you and let this stay so you can read it but if i know you your sitting over my shoulder reading it now i miss you sug more than you know and i hope your not angry with me because of jack you would love him he often asks about you wants to know about you he knows he can never take that place in my heart that you still fill and hes fine with it he lets me talk about you all the time and never lets it bother him he understands how important you were to me how important you still are. Adam misses you terrible he thought you were the hotest thing since rubber underwear. please forgive me sug i never meant to hurt you i always have and always will love you and there is always going to be a whole in my heart that only you can fill you would love germany its a beatuy unlilke anything we have back home im sure you can see it anytime you want its funny sometimes when im upset and lonley that song comes on that was the ringtone on your cell highway to the danger zone and i always smile and say hey sug how ya doin and everything seems to go right after that take care of my grandma sug even if she wont let ya i love you sugar pie
I saw you / Cayce Kennedy-brabson it was the first time an a few months but you were there with me telling me you were fine and that you were finally happy i know many still hate me but all that matters is i know you dont im still not over you and probubly never will be our always in my thoughts. the boys miss you terrible especially adam he loved how much fun you were when we would go out i only hope you havnt been angry with me for the past year i know alot has happened but you truly would love jack and he knows how much a part of me you still are and even encourages me to talk about and helps me celebrate your birthday every year you would love it here in germany i know you always wanted to go and i wish you could be here to see the beauty thats here its nothing like anything back home i will always love you forever my sug you know that and i hope enough time has passed that your family can forgive me enough to let this stay here i never mean to hurt anyone i just miss you so much that i have no way to get it out and herre now a week after jack deployed i found your site again by chance ill visit you soon love im hoping to be home for christmas i love you sugar pie
i tried / Ron P. (Dad) well son i tried to make things right but got no response ! i'm sorry son . please dont be mad . as usual too little too late . i have been dreaming of your aunt every night along with your grandma . i dont understand these dreams . maybe they are trying to tell me something son . i think of you every day , and when i work nights i spend the night thinking of you and talking to you . i'm only sleeping about 4 hours a night now , when i do sleep ,and that isnt a good sleep due to the dreams . they arent nightmares just dreams , but as normal you havent been in them , just your aunt and grandma . please son , i need to see you , please . i have been awake now for 21 hours and not really tired , any way i dont know what the dreams will hold if i sleep . i have told you that i can fix alot of thing as long as i know about them , but i have to know the problem to fix it . turkey day is coming but i have elected to work rather then be here . there is no happiness here on holidays , just grey skies and rain in my living room . the same with x-mas i'm working . i love ya my son and always will .
well here we are again my son . it is getting colder outside and soon the snow will be here . as you know i work the third shift alot , so i have alot of time to think and reflect on different things , one thing that i know for sure is how much you loved casey . so knowing that and you havent came to me at all but for twice in a dream , i believe that you are upset with me , so i have decided to try and make things right . Casey , if you still read these entries , email me and tell me something that only you would know so i know it is you . i want to talk with you , nothing bad it is all good , please . son not a day goes by that i dont think of you and want to come with you . i take pills to go to sleep , pills to stay awake , and insulin to stay alive . when will this hell end and i can join you in your world ? i think about leaving this world every single day , but wont due to what you have said . i miss you so bad my son . there is a big emptyness in my life now , i need you . i love you , and miss you son .
i'm good / Ron P. (Dad) i dont know what you did , however , i called the doc and they said that the test got messed up somehow , they didnt know how , so they had to do it again . the results , ALL IS GOOD ! not only was the test good but my sugars are running around 140 or lower from 500 . i know you are with your aunt , i had a dream about her the other night and she proved to me that you are with her, through your song amazing grace . there is no doubt in my mind . please scotty come to me , i am not mad at you in any way , i just want to see you and hear your voice , please ! i love you my baby .
sorry/ Rich Tyson (friend) hey scottie, i know we never really became close friends, even though you were quite an interesting person i would have like to get to know you better. I'm PROUD to say i knew you and the rest of your friends. i offer my condolences to all that love you and may you watch over them all.
testing/ Ron P. (Dad) went to the docs tuesday son , he called wednesday , my potassium level in my blood work is dangerously high so i had to go back this morning for them to do it again just to confirm the first results . he said that it might be the beginning of kidney failure due to the diabetes , i should know tonight the results . talk to the big guy for me and pull some strings if you can , really dont want to go through dialasis 3 or more times a week . i miss you baby ! i know you will watch over me , and what will be will be , but i just want to be with you and my sister . love you forever and always no matter what .
It has been two years and there is still not a day where you dont enter the minds of me and my family. There is not a day where we dont miss you, wish you were here to share in our joy. Dustin can not listen to anykind of amazing grace song without breaking out into tears. Me, just talking to anyone about you or thinking about you makes me cry. Its cruel that my son got to know you and does ask about you when he sees pictures of you and my daughter never will. He remembers you and doesnt understand why you are here no more. I try to explain it to him the best I can, but in all honesty, I dont understand myself. I know that you are with us and are looking in on us from time to time. Call it just a hunch. Keep visiting your dad because he needs you. And someday all of us will be together again. Just make me one promise Scott. No spearing me in heaven like you did in higschool. It never felt good even though it was funny. We love you now and always scott.
again , my son . it finally stopped raining in my living room . a big smile comes on my face , when i just happen to be walking somewhere and look down at the ground , then very unexspectedly there is a feather where there shouldnt be one so i know you are around me . the smile turns to tears shortly there after , which is O.K. DONT STOP THE FEATHERS or my light next to my chair flickering from time to time for no reason , i know you are around ! the one thing i dont understand is this , i havent figured it out yet . last night i had a terrible nightmare , you and my mom were there , it was terrible , it was at night at my mom's house , people outside of my mom's house were killing and eating animals they caught , a man ran into a horse with his pick up truck on purpose , the truck burst into flames , the man got out and started to cut up and eat the horse that was cooking from the flames of the truck . i dont understand this dream other then you are with my mom . i dont know why you finally came to me in a nightmare for just the second time in 2 years . the first wasnt a nightmare . hopefully i'll figure it out . i love you my son and miss you so much , your dad.
the worst day / Ron P. (Dad) is coming soon . i spend the days crying and in dispair and depressed , but on the 27th it is twice as bad . i truely hate that day . at 9:38pm is the last time i heard your voice , my world came to an end . you were gone , leaving me and all behind ! i would give anything including my soul just to hold you , hear your voice , anything ! you said that i would be very happy when you communicated to the physcic , not to be . my life is empty without you . i am just a shell waiting to join you . there is no happiness , just lonelyness and despair . why son WHY ! i love you my boy , and impatiently wait to join you .
hopefully/ Ron P. (Dad) here we are , another night . it seems as though it was just yesterday when they brought you out of the upstairs apartment that you and your mom had . i'll never forget that night . i just wanted to hold you and make everything better , but it wasnt to be . you had a different mission on your mind that night my darling . i'm alone now and that is not a good thing , i would give my life in a heart beat for you to call me and to say you had run out of gas again . maybe it will be my time soon so i can join you , as i cant help it along due to being stuck between worlds(yours and mine) . with any luck it will be my time soon . i love you my son , unconditionaly !
Soon/ Ron P. (Dad) i will be out, as the weather is starting to get warmer and less rain every day . are ya showing your aunt around ? i have yet to dream of you my son . i think of you constantly every single day that goes by . as you know i have lost about 50 pounds due to the diabetes , and still losing , maybe i'll be with you both soon . i love you my darling , know that ! SOON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hey there / LeAnne (family friend ) Hey there scotty time has passed but not a day goes by that I wish you were here to see me and JP back together again and to meet your nephew. For some reason which only one knows you were taken so soon. You and Aunt Elaine will be missed very much by all. Jp just had his sugery that he has been wanting for so long on Monday I was glad to know that you and Aunt Elaine were watching over him during that time and too see that he be here with us again. We all love and miss you bud and hope thats you are dancing on those clouds pain free with Aunt Elaine Love you both very much and miss you both always.
well my darling - spring is around the corner . since your aunt is with you now there is no one to write except for me , and i'll be here until the day i join you and my sister . it is hard to get through the days without doing something stupid . i sincerely wish that the diabetes would kill me so we all can be together again . i have to remember what you told the medium to convey to me about my passing before it is my time . it's hard honey . i'm still waiting for you to come to me , i'll wait for as long as it takes . i dreamed of you once , you didnt know that you had passed and i was trying to convince you , it was so good to hear your voice and to see you even if you had those old fatigues on that you usually wore with your boots . i love you my darling , soooo much .
your aunt / Ron P. (Dad) well son as you know your aunt is with you . between my guardian and you a job well done keeping her pain free when it was her time to join you . take care of each other son , maybe sometime soon i can join you both and we will be together again . help me son to get through this time .
well my darling another lonely x-mas is upon me . i long to see your face and to hold you still . the clouds will be out in this house that day for sure , as they are now and will ever be , they are just more plentiful then . i miss you so much my boy it is unbelievable . i did not think the human body could sustain itself with all the pain for so long . i still havent gone through your things honey , i cant bring myself to , please dont be mad . they are safe with me . they will be right here and are not going anywhere . i still find myself reflecting and remembering the time we had together , as short as it was . i talk to you just about every night and sometimes during the day also . all i want for x-mas is you ! i love ya my baby , dad .
My Scottie / Elaine Marshall (Aunt) Sweetie, I look forward to seeing you but, feel bad I have to give more pain to our famly to do this.
I know those who have gone before me are beginning to gather and I hope between all of us, we can stop the pain the moment I pass over.
Our loved ones here on earth need to feel our love and energy and the strength to say goodbye with dignity. They need to heal all wounds between one another as we are now another human body less. I'm asking this in human form and will continue in celestial time. This has always made my heart sore.
as i have talked to you in recent days , your aunt elaine is very sick son , she needs your help and all the help of my guardian and hers to beat this . i know that you are very busy but try to reserve some time to look over her and help anyway you can . i know you have heard me in the past several days about this but it is very important and i'm sorry for being repititous . i miss you more and more each day my baby . the sun doesnt shine and hasnt in a very long time . lets make the sun shine once again my boy . it has been a long time . i have lost 46 lbs. , 9 of which in the last week , i know , and i will , go to the docs soon . in the mean time i'm sure you and daniel are watching over me . i love you my baby , and that is for eternity .